Lan Tian is just a reason, but ultimately it is because I feel uncomfortable.

I am just cowardly and can't be strong anymore. Who can I change the scene? If I am still happy with Li Hua now, I am free in my heart. If I spend time with Lan Tian, ​​I will spend time with her. I can spend time with her until death. But because of Lan Tian's existence, we can't be happy anymore.

Suppose we don’t care about Lan Tian now, Lan Tian is just like that, and she throws herself to death, and how many people have to accuse Li Hua and I of being unconscience and irresponsible. Is it our selfish love that leads to Lan Tian’s tragedy?

Everyone has been saying that being a person requires a conscience, and being a good person is harder than being a bad person, but I am determined to be a good person.

This is not my foolishness.

I have a clear conscience. For me, enduring the torture of conscience is more tortured than enduring the pain of losing a lover. For me, falling in love with Li Hua is already the greatest wealth in life. Many times, once had it, is more charming than eternity.

I have already had it, and it cannot last forever. I feel pain, but I am willing to do so.

What I am unwilling to let go is that if I continue to torture like this, I will really torture love into not love, and then separate, torture the beauty I once had to the point of being bloody. I don’t want to do this.

I don’t want to be with Li Hua, but I’m not happy. I long to break it and start over again.

I asked Li Hua if he went there despair when I saw that I was unhappy. Obviously he was dissatisfied, so I saw the shaking under his eyes.

He said: "You always have a way to convince me."

I said, "Because we think the same."

Li Hua and I are actually the same people, people with strong moral constraints. Although they are more chaotic and I am more straightforward in doing things, our views on things are often exactly the same from the starting point.

He held me and said, "I promise you anything except breaking up."

I enjoyed his hug and leaned into his ear and said, "I used to love you so much that I feel that even if I can't be with you, I will be your lover for the rest of my life, as long as you want me. Now it's different... Now I feel very tired and have been tossing so much, do you know what I want most?"

Let go of the hug, we looked at each other, and I smiled helplessly, "I want to marry a man who is content with oneself like others, live the most modest life. Don't worry about what kind of changes will happen tomorrow, and don't worry about anyone except your family. A mediocre man who loves you."

Li Hua closed his eyes. The mediocre man in my mouth was obviously not him. His broken face was enough to break his heart. In my heart, he was not mediocre at all. He was artistic and had shackles of responsibility and morality. I once thought that if Li Hua and I were a little worse, no matter Lan Tian, ​​we could still live a good life, but then he would not be Li Hua, and I would not be me.

Besides, if you don’t care about Lan Tian, ​​it’s okay? I decided not to care a few days ago. Didn’t Lan Tian appear at my doorstep on his own initiative?

In this way, we can't just say nothing but care. She will always be our obstacle, even if we die, it will be an obstacle.

Without saying a word, he kissed my lips, and I also kissed him. From the shallow kiss to the tangled lips and tongue, I have always cooperated very well. At the end of the day, I also wanted to linger with him, which is also a form of farewell.

I cherish this lingering relationship very much. In the sunset and in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, I was controlled by him without hesitation. In fact, Li Hua himself might just want to kiss me, but I was dressed so little now. As I kissed, it was not an exaggeration to suddenly have other ideas, mainly to vent my longing and vent my reluctance.

It can no longer be said to be for the body or something. In my eyes, every process is just for the embodiment of love.

After the manifestation, he hugged me as usual. I snuggled in his arms, leaned gently against his chest, and said quietly: "You should leave, there are still many things waiting for you."

He turned around and looked at me with a vicissitudes of life, "What should I do with you?"

I shook my head, put on a bath towel, and planned to go to the bathroom to wash. I sat up, and he also sat up, pulling me from behind, and he said, "I know you are feeling bad, I'll give you time."

I didn't move and was silent for a moment. Time, we were always together, and he kept giving me time. I knew so much that time was so powerful that it could smooth out the profound things and make the attachments forgotten.

I said, "If possible, give Tiantian a future. Even if it is an empty promise, it is better than nothing."

He didn't say anything, and after I got out of bed, he asked me the last question, "Do you and Li Baitian have anything?"

This time, I was still silent.

My silence is because I don’t know how to answer. I said it doesn’t matter. Li Baitian did mention to me that he wanted to marry me. I think I always deny Li Baitian’s existence so much. It’s not good enough to Li Baitian, but I said it’s related, so why don’t I lie?

Sometimes, silence does not mean default, but it represents hesitation and represents many possibilities.

Li Hua choked up and said, "I understand."

I don’t know what he understood. I went to the bathroom and rinsed my body, and rinsed this body that only Li Hua touched. Maybe one day, it will belong to someone else again, and I feel a little sad to think about it.

So he cried on his back, and then he put on the clothes he had taken off in front of him over the years one by one. Then he walked out of the room and found that he was no longer there.

This breakup between Li Hua and I was not completely separated. I said he didn't seem to agree, but he did leave too. Forget it, just say nothing to me. I don't say anything. Isn't it better to finish it?

I am really tired, I am so panicked that I don’t want to spend time with him anymore.

Afterwards, Li Baitian took me to a wedding. I, a man who had no relatives, cried so hard at the wedding. The bride thought I was very pitiful and gave me the bouquet, and I cried again.

Li Baitian still has something to do. After that, I lived in Sanya for a long time and didn’t use my cell phone. Li Baitian wanted to find me, so he called the hotel directly.

This relaxation period is quite effective. I often walk by the beach myself, playing with people I don’t know, and then suddenly figure it out that I want to get married.

Li Baitian was really very interested in me. One time when I was sad, he joked, "Be happy, girl, no one wants me to have you?"

I suddenly felt a little excited and looked at him and said, "Really?"

Li Baitian glared at his eyes, "Really, it's even more real than the pearl in the shell."

Then I went to pick up shells with Li Baitian. We bet that if we could pick up pearls today, I would marry him. We picked them up all night at the beach, and I just wanted to see the pearls in the shells. He probably wanted to win or lose the bet.

After prying open the last shell, Li Baitian threw it back to the sea in disappointment, "What a thing? The villagers are all liars, let me blow the wind here for a night."

I suddenly felt that Li Baitian looked very cute, and I remembered Lan Tian’s Xue Jiazheng. Lan Tian said, no one has the obligation to wait for her all the time. If she loses Xue Jiazheng, would I lose Li Baitian?

I even thought that maybe I would be good in the future after following Li Baitian. If he could calm down and treat me so well, when I forgot Li Hua, would I also fall in love with him?

I said, "Brother Tian, ​​I'm tired."

He said, "Then come to my brother's arms?"

I said half-jokingly and half-seriously, "Why do you try to propose again? Maybe I will agree next time?"

Li Baitian looked at me and dissipated for a moment. He asked seriously: "Sister, are you really willing to marry me?"

I didn't say anything.

He touched my head.

Half a month later, I returned to Beijing, and the place was still full of troubles. It was New Year's Day soon. Li Baitian said that he would give me a big surprise in the early morning of New Year's Day, but before that, I had to clean up myself and collect my ragged mood.

I promised him.

I know that Li Baitian is planning to propose to me, and I also know that I really want to agree this time. Although if I promise him at this time, it will be unfair to others. But I just want to get married quickly, and want to have a particularly big thing, break it completely from the past.

On the evening of December 31, I decided to clean up the room and clean out the garbage and the same mood as the garbage. The petals, dry and rotten, were no longer as color as before. I cruelly swept them from the ground and put them into the garbage bag.

Then I accidentally found a ring box in a shoe box. I recognized this box. When Li Hua and I went to Sichuan and Tibet, he kept it with me, but the ring inside was that I never wanted to open and read.

I don’t know when it fell here, maybe it was the night when Li Hua beat Li Baitian? Haha, if Li Hua came that night, he didn’t meet Li Baitian and I in a mess, wouldn’t many things be different now?

I opened the box and saw such a large diamond. Diamond is valuable because it is rare, but what is the meaning of diamond? It is just because of the saying "permanent".

Wearing the ring, I was stunned for a while, and forgot to take it down in a daze. I sat in front of the windowsill, listening to the twelve o'clock bell and vague cheers. The night in Beijing tonight was super beautiful, so beautiful that it reminded me of a saying, "Carnival is the loneliness of a group of people."

After the bell rang twelve times, Li Baitian still did not appear. And I was still in a daze, waiting, waiting for an unknown future.

At 12:15, Li Baitian called me and said, "I'm sorry Youyou, I can't surprise you anymore."
Chapter completed!