To be honest, this experience of being forced to withdraw from the group did not make me feel sad and frustrated. I know that some things are not my own, but they are not my own.

I didn't tell the crew clearly that I didn't go to eat because I felt that there were unspoken rules in it, and I used other reasons, but if I didn't go to eat this meal, the crew could change people. That means that there must be something else after the meal. It would be right if I didn't go to eat.

I think I have principles, and I plan to stick to this principle. It won’t be a good idea for a meal, but if you can accept eating today, you may be able to accompany you tomorrow, and you may be able to go to bed the day after tomorrow.

I don’t want to give my bottom line a chance to reduce it again and again, so I just stick to the first bottom line and don’t relax.

I just want to be an actor.

I packed up and got out of here, thinking that if I don’t keep my master here, I will have a place to keep my master. Anyway, I have tried so many roles during this period, can I still not be able to try one? I will just wait for news.

When I left, I walked in a neat and neat way. When I arrived in Beijing, I found that I had nothing to do and had to go to Yan Xiaochang to squeeze in, and I felt a little depressed again.

Yan Xiaochang went to record the show, and no one accompanied me to have dinner. I called Li Baitian and told jokes to tell my own experience. Li Baitian said, "Okay, my brother took a look at you again today. You girl have courage!"

I was so proud of him.

When a person makes a choice, no matter how firm he is, he will still hope to get some support from others. For example, when Li Hua insisted on dancing, we all did not support him, which made him persevere and lacked a lot of happiness that he should have.

I am the same now. Sometimes I wonder if I am too stubborn and if I am really not up to the Tao, but someone around me said that doing this is right, and I feel much more relieved.

Li Baitian is not busy today, so after dinner, I went to Deyun Club with him again. As soon as I arrived at Deyun Club, I felt a lot. It was mainly because when Li Hua first came to Beijing to find me, it left a deep mark in my heart.

Then Li Hua called me, I hung up and said in a text message: "I'm listening to crosstalk, I'll call you when I go back."

After a long time, Li Hua replied to me, "I'm with Li Baitian again."

I don’t come to listen to crosstalk when I’m idle. Li Hua naturally reasoned to Li Baitian, and I have nothing to explain. This is a fact.

But Li Baitian and I are innocent, and more innocent than him and Wenjuan. He has a good impression of Wenjuan. So I don’t think there is any need to explain.

I still came out of the venue and found a quiet place to call him. When he answered, his voice was very tired.

I said, "The cold has not been cured yet?"

He cleared his throat, "Yeah."

I said, "Then you have to rest more and don't stay too late."

After a moment of silence, Li Hua asked me: "Youyou, are you talking to me now?"

I said, "No." Then I found that there was really nothing to say. I don't know where those endless words came from when I was in love. I don't remember what we talked about, but I just vaguely remember the feeling of reluctant to hang up at that time, but the feeling of always saying the next sentence can no longer be found.

He said again: "Do you know how long it's been since we met? Every time I want to see you, you say wait a little longer, and you just don't want to see me?"

I have been very busy these two months. Li Hua has to concentrate more time, so he can take time to find me. But I don’t want to meet you, just like that airport, and take a quick look, or spend a night, and then we have to continue leaving. I thought, when we get together, we will meet again when we have time.

This idea is nothing wrong.

It can be heard that Li Hua is a little sad now. People who are probably sick are sentimental. I said, "Then I'll go back to see you tomorrow."

He said yes.

After calling Li Hua, my mood became heavier. When did this source of happiness and sweetness begin to turn into another kind of pressure? I suddenly missed me so much, a single person who wanted to do whatever he wanted, without reporting to others, and without scrutinizing what people felt.

When I went back, Li Baitian still raised his face and listened to crosstalk. When he wanted to laugh, he laughed. I suddenly felt that his smile was pretty. I had never seen such a perfect smile on Li Hua's face.

Li Baitian noticed my gaze, turned his head and looked at me, filling the tea in front of me, without asking anything, and continued to stare at the direction of the stage.

The next day I went back to City W. Li Hua dragged his side-ill body to get me. His body had a characteristic. When he caught a cold, his eyes would be full of tears, as if water might flow out at any time.

When he had a cold, I always stared at his eyes. Sometimes I felt so distressed, and sometimes I felt very funny.

I didn't take any luggage, just to come back and see him, he stretched out one hand to hold my back and led me to the direction of parking. This distance was not close or far, and I felt very awkward, so I reached out and put his arm, but as my arms were intertwined, it seemed that I could never regain my original feeling.

When he drove, he said, "Go back to my house."

I said, "It's better to be outside, it's convenient."

In order to break the embarrassment of having nothing to say, I tried to find something to say, but I felt that he was not interested in my work, and I couldn’t understand what he was at work. In fact, it was the same before, but at that time, even if he was not interested and even if he couldn’t understand, we were all willing to listen patiently.

That kind of patience is definitely not perfunctory, but comes from a passion to understand and participate in each other's lives.

After eating, I went to the hotel room, and because I had nothing to say, I could only express myself with my body. He hugged me by the bed, came up to kiss me in a row, and I pushed him and said, "Don't make trouble if you are sick."

If he can't push it away, he must kiss me. That kind of persistence is like a dying person holding on to the straw. It's not **, but every kiss falls, it makes people feel a little desperate.

I was not unwilling to help him, but my health was inconvenient. My aunt visited for three days and hadn't left yet. In fact, we had to be impatient before. When the amount was small, we had met and fought in blood. But today I didn't want to bother with him at all. I think we didn't meet him specifically to do this.

I said, "Oh, I'm not convenient."

He pushed me onto the bed and said, "I don't care, I want you."

I didn't want to say anything anymore, and lay motionlessly, reaching out to put my arms around his waist like in the past, but I felt bored, so my palm slid down. Li Hua pulled my hand back and hugged him again. I held on for a while, then slid down.

When I was kissing, I lowered my eyes and looked at him kissing me. I saw his eyelashes tremble slightly like dew. When I saw his arms moving, the muscles and blue veins were pulled.

These things I loved before and are indifferent now.

Unable to feel my response, Li Hua gave up, raised his head and looked at me seriously with his face to face. The water in his eyes was almost broken. But I knew he was either crying, or he was a normal physiological phenomenon different from ordinary people when he caught a cold.

I asked him, "What's wrong?"

He still looked at me, his voice was very light and a little hoarse: "What's wrong with you?"

I was perfunctory, "Medical, uncomfortable."

He shook his head, seemed to smile bitterly, and said, "You don't want to do it with me."

According to habit, I would say "no", but at this time I didn't want to deny it. I just didn't want to, and I didn't know why I didn't want it, but I felt that the matter was boring. Since the abortion, I felt boring and sometimes it hurts.

Then he let go of his hand and moved away from me, so I sat up. I felt that the time I spent with Li Hua was obviously not so difficult to pass.

After lit a cigarette, Li Hua said, "Wenjuan and I are really nothing."

"I know."

He paused again and said, "Youyou, come back, you let me take care of you. If this continues, I am really worried."

"What are you worried about?"

He stopped talking again.

"Or I'll go to Beijing too, so we can meet often," he said.

I still responded lightly, "No, if you do your business, I can take care of myself."

Li Hua was anxious and shouted at me, "What do you want me to do?"

But he yelled at me, I was not anxious, I said patiently: "I didn't want you to do anything, isn't it good now?"

Li Hua glared at me, using his eyes that could drip out of water at any time, making my heart shudder. I felt that my attitude might be a little too cold, so I wanted to say something to comfort me.

Li Hua said: "When you were with Li Baitian, what did you think about me?"

I said, "Li Baitian and I have nothing to do." My attitude gradually became worse because I felt that Li Hua was unreasonable at this moment.

He said: "Wenjuan and I are nothing, why do you have to seize this matter?"

I frowned and looked at him, "Is Wenjuan the same as Li Baitian?"

He looked at me with the same attitude, with a little inquiry, and he said, "Is there a big difference? Cong You, dare you say that you have no favoritism for him? Do you dare to tell me like this?"

I was stunned. As usual, I would not even think about saying "dare", but now I hesitated, which means I really don't dare. Seeing my hesitation, Li Hua sneered like a self-deprecating person, pursed his lips, and continued to laugh at himself, "I'll ask you what you are doing so clearly, ha..."

Yes, he just shouldn't ask, because I am a person who has a slow reflex arc in terms of emotions. If he doesn't ask, I may not be able to react to that aspect. Now he forced me to think about it, so I thought about it seriously. I might really like Li Baitian. For example, if I was asked to cut off my contact with Li Baitian now, I would feel heartbroken.

I thought a lot that day, and I thought I had figured it out a lot.

He asked me, "How long have we been together?"

"One year... one year and twenty-six days, this year we are together, and the time we spend together is only more than two months." One year and twenty-six days, last July, after I drank too much, I burst his head with a bottle of wine. I think we started from that time. In a few days, it will be the second anniversary of our understanding. I still remember the room number of 909 until now.

He was silent for a moment, "Youyou..."

"Let's break up." I suddenly said this and said something I had never thought about before. I turned to look at him, hoping that he could give me some response, a more straightforward response that would make me understand.

His eyes trembled, and a bitterness appeared on the corner of his lips. He frowned slightly and asked me, "What's the reason?"

I didn't answer and asked directly, "What did you want to say just now?"

But he only looked at me and didn't speak.

The breakup was just an impulse. At that moment, I looked at him, hoping that he would rush over and hug me without hesitation. I said, "Let's break up." I was discussing with him. I wanted to hear his rebuttal, listen to him give me some reasons to continue this relationship of being together less and more slowly cooling down.

But Li Hua was too reasonable and too pampered me and gave in. I really didn't know what to do with him.

I said, "I'm tired, Li Hua, I'm really tired, I don't want to guess anymore. I never know what you are thinking, I don't know why you like me and why you are right. You spoiled me so much that I don't know how to love you," he held back his tears and said with a sob, "Maybe I really don't love you so much. All I think of is myself. I think I'm very selfish, but I can't control myself, and I don't have any sense of security..."

When I finished saying this, I couldn't control my tears. I was sad. I was sad. I couldn't believe in love. I didn't have the courage to entrust myself completely to anyone. I was sad that I was about to lose, but I didn't know how I should keep it.

That’s all we have. The reason for breaking up never needs to be so beautiful. We are ordinary people. There is no helplessness that cannot be loved. It’s nothing more than being tired, not wanting to love anymore, and unwilling to continue.

After hearing my answer, Li Hua didn't look up, so he didn't know what he looked at at the moment. He only heard him sucking his nose and spitting out a word lightly and solemnly, "Okay."
Chapter completed!