The smoke swept away all my good memories, turning them into fragments and flying by. www.

The breeze blew, and the green smoke dissipated without a trace. Looking up, I saw that I was in a dirty alley.

I am very familiar with this place. It is right in front of my house. How many times have I played hide-and-seek and war games here? I still clearly remember that because of my poor background, when I played war games, I became a bandit every time.

Feeling dissatisfied, he beat the "People's Liberation Army" to the point of panic.

A smile crept onto my face. It happened for a long time. The days at that time were so relaxing and joyful! The so-called troubles at that time seem so ridiculous now.

I have lived like this for twelve years, and there was nothing for me to worry about. Everything was well prepared. Until..., until my grandfather was gone. After a struggle, he never came back.

Before the smile fully bloomed, it froze on my face. Suddenly there was a throbbing in my heart. I pressed my right hand on my chest and felt the violent beating of my heart.

Suddenly, a thin voice came from the entrance of the alley. A man and a woman, apparently a couple, were talking to a little boy.

The child could not be said to be handsome, but his face was quite delicate, and his eyes were very lively. They turned around from time to time, as if he was planning something all the time.

Looking at the features, it seems that it is me who has shrunk several sizes! Unexpectedly, I was quite cute when I was a child. At this time, I was squatting at the entrance of the alley, building a "trench" with the bricks next to me!

But, who are these two people? There seems to be no trace of them in my memory. The man was wearing a neat Chinese tunic suit and had a pair of golden eyes. He was gentle and elegant. If the eyes were not too smart, they destroyed this

If she is popular in literature, she has the appearance of a typical scholar. The woman has a good appearance, and even in middle age, she is still delicate and cute, looking like a lady.

I saw her ask "me" a few questions, then suddenly leaned down, touched "me" on the head, and said something softly.

An impulse came over me, driving me closer, even to hear her voice.

"I" chatted with the woman for a few words, then suddenly turned around and ran into the yard. Not long after, grandpa walked out of the house quickly.

Grandpa often said that whenever big things happen, you should be calm and composed. But at this moment, calmness and composure were forgotten by him. I never thought that my grandfather would have such an eager look on his face.

.

Normally, the distance of 1,200 meters would be reached in a blink of an eye, but at this time, for me, it was like a chasm that I could not cross no matter what.

From a distance, I watched my grandpa reach out his hand tremblingly, touch the man's head, and then take out a pendant-like thing and hang it on the woman's neck. In the grandpa's eyes, there was relief, reluctance, warmth, and love.

kindly……

This kind of look only appears when facing me. I have never seen such a look towards outsiders, including grandpa. Unless... these two are not outsiders!

My heart was beating harder and harder, as if it had exceeded the limit of my body, and I was experiencing throbbing pains. I covered my chest, not daring to relax at all, staring at the man and woman, desperately trying to imprint their figures on me.

In my mind, I am afraid that in the blink of an eye, they will disappear without a trace in my life.

In my memory, when I was a child, I was very unsociable. I was always wary of outsiders and never got close to others. But at this time, "I" seemed to feel something, and I clung to the woman's hand tightly.

He held his hand, raised his head and looked at her gentle face, showing no signs of vigilance or wariness.

The man and woman seemed to have something very important to do. They didn't even enter the house. They just talked with grandpa outside the door and then turned and left. During this time, the woman didn't say a word, she was just gentle.

He held "my" hand and stroked my face, as if he couldn't get enough of it.

The same goes for that man. Although he was talking to his grandfather, he still turned his head to look at "me" from time to time, but nothing could cover the warmth in his eyes.

The gatherings and separations have always contained the greatest joys and sorrows of mankind. When I read Fu in the past and read "Those who are sad to die, it's just a farewell", I always felt that it was just the literati's habit of mourning spring and autumn, which was just pretentious.

.But at this moment, that feeling of desolation really came to my mind. Seeing the man and woman waving their hands and turning away, my heart instantly became ice cold.

As a young man, I seemed to have felt this sadness and understood what farewell meant. I saw him suddenly breaking away from his grandfather's hand, crying and chasing after the couple's backs.

The blood and nature between father and son, mother and son does not need to be explained or cultivated. As long as a look or an action is required, one can feel the deep emotions involved.

When people are young, their minds are purer, there are not so many dirty thoughts, there are not so many utilitarian ambitions, and they can more clearly feel this kind of emotion that is integrated in the blood and inseparable.

Amid my heart-rending cries as a young child, the chasm that had been insurmountable just now suddenly disappeared without a trace. In an instant, I seemed to have overcome all obstacles of time and space and rushed forward.

Suddenly, the walls on both sides suddenly became taller, and the back that had just been visible now looked so tall. Unknowingly, I merged with the six or seven-year-old Zhang Tao.

There is no difference between them anymore.

What can you do if you catch up? Since you are cruel and want to leave, there must be a reason why you have to leave. At this time, catching up is just to add sadness. But reason is always just reason. At critical moments, human instinctual emotions still prevail.

I moved the short legs and feet of a six or seven-year-old child and chased the backs of my parents desperately, just to feel the smell of my father and the warmth of my mother.

In my haste, I stumbled onto the "trench" I had built with my own hands and fell head-on. My knees and forehead were filled with burning pain, and I couldn't care less about it. I struggled to get up.

At this time, there was a burst of exclamation from behind and in front of me. Behind me was my grandfather's old voice, and in front of me was a gentle and magnetic voice. It was filled with anxiety and heartache, but it still did not hide the innate talent.

good.

Is this... is my mother's voice? For a moment, I was crazy.

Although we were far apart, we could still vaguely see my mother turning her head and staring at me distressedly.

On my forehead, warm liquid slowly flowed down, over my eyebrows, and into my eyes. My eyes suddenly became blood red. I stretched out my hand to wipe it, but it couldn't be wiped away. The blood kept pouring out, and my eyes were completely blurred.

.

I stubbornly wiped it hard with the backs of my hands, not caring about the dust on my hands. I just wanted to take another look, even if it was just the back.

No matter how good the scenery is, the seasons change, no matter how beautiful the woman is, her beauty will age, no matter how reluctant the relationship is, the warmth will no longer exist, and no matter how far the road is, it will have an end. Slowly, their backs disappeared at the entrance of the alley.

I opened my eyes wide and stared at the place where the figure disappeared, hoping in my heart that they could turn around.

Until, the blood completely blurred my eyes, my eyebrows and plasma were sticky together, and I could no longer open my eyes.

Time seemed to have stopped at this moment, all the hustle and bustle had disappeared, and I was the only one in this huge world, quietly opening my eyes in vain, waiting hard for that one ten thousandth of hope.

I don’t know how long it took, but the stinging pain in my eyes was suddenly lifted away. I was shocked. I quickly raised my hands and looked in front of my eyes. It was okay, okay. The hands in front of me were still white and red, tender and slender, and they were still young.

Child's hands.

I breathed a sigh of relief and felt relieved. Before, my heart was filled with fear, horror, and fear - the fear of losing.

My heart is still clear. I know clearly that my grandfather and my parents have appeared in my life and have left forever. Everything in front of me may be some unknown thing. Taking advantage of this in my heart

This concern, this trace of reluctance, is confusing my soul. But even so, so what?

Everyone must have experienced such a scene in his long life. In a dream, you are interpreting the beauty that you have experienced and then disappeared, or you have never experienced but infinitely longed for the beauty. You clearly know that you are just in the dream.

Dreaming, all of this is false, just an illusion of the mind. But even if you know this, you still don't want to wake up. You just want to think about how great it would be if it could continue indefinitely!

I am afraid, afraid that in the blink of an eye, all this will disappear without a trace, and I will be in a dirty and dark tomb again, fighting with all kinds of gods and monsters, and the unpredictable human heart, just to fall.

It's just a meaningless pickled copper stench from someone's ancestral grave.

Even if all this is a lie, I would rather be deceived forever.

The huge noise came and drowned me instantly. Looking around, I was in the crowd, surrounded by "tall" people. I was pushed by the crowd and moved forward unconsciously. The last moment, I

I was still immersed in the beauty in my memory. At this moment, I was suddenly among countless people. I was at a loss for a moment, and my heart was in chaos.

"Down with the demons and monsters!" A slogan rang in my ears like thunder.

The slogan was shouted by a 17- or 8-year-old young man, dressed in military green, with a red armband on his left sleeve, a *** badge on his chest, and an aluminum buckle around his waist. He commanded triumphantly

The masses took the lead in shouting slogans, looking high-spirited and pointing the country.

Seeing this situation, my heart that had just calmed down rose to my chest again. Just now, you brought my parents who I had never met before in front of me, and then quickly took them away. Now, what do you want to do?

I muttered to myself, questioning myself and some kind of master in the dark world, and felt panic in my heart.

I have never been a good person, so I have never been afraid to assume the worst ill intentions of others, but at this moment, I hope infinitely that I am really wrong.

The crowd gradually separated, making way for a path. A group of people in ragged clothes, with wooden signs hanging on their chests, staggered forward amidst the push of people, slowly passed through the crowd, and appeared in front of me.

When I looked up, my heart immediately sank to the bottom. The first person in line was my grandfather.

At this time, he looked even older. His beautiful beard looked like it had been burned, and it was sparsely curled. His hair was messy, as if it had been roughly shaved, and the rest was tangled together randomly, looking sloppy.

.Grandpa’s wrinkles became deeper. They were once filled with kindness, but now only thick dirt remained.

Is this still my grandfather who pays attention to appearance and demeanor? My eyes felt sour and I wanted to shed tears, but they were so dry that there were no tears at all, leaving only heartache and anger.

Only those eyes can still see my grandfather's usual demeanor, he is still so calm and calm. Why can you still have such a calm look after such humiliation? Maybe, in your heart, they are just clowns.

, is that so? My dear grandpa.

Hey, a trace of anxiety and worry suddenly flashed in Grandpa's eyes. He turned his head with difficulty and searched the crowd. After a while, it seemed that he found nothing. He breathed out with relief, and his eyes regained their usual calmness.

.

I knew clearly in my heart that he was looking for me! Grandpa was afraid. He was afraid that his dearest grandson would see what he looked like in front of him. He was afraid that his impulsive grandson would be angry about what happened to him and do something stupid.

Yes! He is afraid, and I am the only one who can make grandpa feel a little worried. I remember during that time, whenever I was criticized, grandpa would not let me go out. Was he afraid that I would see the humiliation he suffered?

In my memory, I was already 12 years old at this time, and I definitely didn't look like the child in front of me. But fortunately, my grandfather could endure everything calmly, but he couldn't see, even if his grandson was a little bit sad, if he saw me

, I don’t know how desperate grandpa will be!

True or false, what does it matter?

I remember that at that time, every time I came back from a disaster, my grandfather would always appear in front of me after washing himself. He looked cheerful and could not tell what kind of suffering he had suffered.

Memories come back from the dust bit by bit. I remember it was shortly after my 12th birthday. After a struggle, half of my grandfather's hair was shaved off. The next time he was tortured not long after, he never came back.

Where was I at that time? I think I had a fight with the Red Guards who came to search my house, and I lay in bed for half a month. I just played cards with the fat man who came to my house every day, and I was bored.

No matter how much I wash myself or how hard I smile, can everything be covered up? How could I face my grandfather's smile so calmly at that time?

Ask yourself, can I really not see it at all? Or am I unwilling to see it? Did I really not have a trace of resentment in my heart back then? In the face of my former companions, sarcastic remarks and curses, I beat them with bricks.

I got a bloody head, but what does that prove? Is there a trace of resentment or anger in my heart about my origin, my grandfather's identity?
To be continued...